Lonely Snowflakes

Alfred sighed, watching as his breath created a puff of steam in the frigid, winter air. Not wanting to suck in the cold oxygen and make his teeth chatter, he followed it up with a deep inhale through his nose. He immediately winced and rubbed it, wondering if a person could get brain freeze from the air. No, now that was just silly. Feeling another sigh coming on, Alfred released the next puff of steam in a smooth, steady stream. The way he had seen smokers do it.

Ah, where was he again? Alfred paused, the sound of boots crunching through snow ceasing along with his footsteps, and looked around. He really had to stop letting his mind wander when he went for walks. It was probably the reason he enjoyed it so much, though. The fact it was so easy to just let go of his constant stream of anxiety, worries and fear. When he went for a walk, Alfred could pretend he was just one of the normal humans on the street. A normal human that would die and actually stay dead and did not have to live with so much weight on his shoulders forever and ever. If only just for a little while, anyway.

Alfred could zone out on the clouds or the snow or even the passing cars, seeing his surroundings but not really acknowledging them. It had gotten him into trouble on more than one occasion but the peace of mind it gave him the rest of the time was worth it. Yet... lately the calming effects of taking a walk had been waning. Maybe it was because more and more stress was piling onto Alfred. Or maybe the cause was something else, something more on the average side of things. His blue eyes swept the snow-covered ground and trees around him and he sighed for the umpteenth time that day alone. He had been doing a lot more of that lately too.

It was getting late with the sun sinking lower and lower beneath the black, skeletal branches of the trees and he found himself alone in the park. Again. Alfred nuzzled his face down further behind his scarf with a frown and dropped his gaze to the icy ground. It really was beautiful, the way it sparkled from the light shining off its pure, white, untarnished surface. He dropped into a crouch and reached out with a mitten-covered hand, scrawling a vague picture of his flag in the snow. There, now it was not perfect and unmarred anymore. No longer beautiful. Just a bunch of smudged snow and shallow divots all alone in the middle of the park.

Alfred had let his hands rest on the now bumpy surface of the snow as he drifted back into his own thoughts again, but startled as a large, white snowflake floated lazily down onto one. It stuck out easily against the red material and he blinked, lifting the mitten closer to his face to better see the tiny thing. It melted before he could get a good look and he frowned in disappointment. Said emotion morphed into surprise as another snowflake drifted down through his field of vision, then another and another. Alfred tilted his head back to look up into the sky and realized it was beginning to snow.

A few of the white flakes dusted his eyelashes and one landed squarely on his nose, making him scrunch it up with a soft chuckle. A smile tugged at his lips and in childish reflex he stuck out his tongue to taste some of the dazzling snowflakes. Just frozen water, but so what? Alfred closed his mouth when it felt as if his teeth would fall right out of his mouth like icicles plummeting from a roof and gave a light shudder. By then the sun had practically disappeared entirely and only the dim glow of nearby park lamps stopped the area from dropping into complete darkness. With the loss of the sun's warmth it was growing colder outside as well, yet he could not bring himself to care.

Alfred continued to watch the falling snowflakes almost jealously, a light sheen of white now coating his golden hair and winter clothing. Perhaps the snowflakes were all unique and alone in the air, but once they hit the ground... once they hit the ground, they would all be together. Relations did not matter to snowflakes; they all had each other. Maybe it was silly to be jealous of something as insignificant as a snowflake, but a lot of his life up to that point was laughable in a way. Alfred would not mind being a snowflake so much... at least then he would not be alone. Like he was there. In the park.

Sure, Alfred had Maggie and Gilbert and a scant few other acquaintances, but he wanted someone he had not been blessed with in a long, long time. He wanted someone to love him on a deeper, more personal level- someone he could love back. Someone to take the loneliness away, brush off his tears when he was sad, hold him when he was hurting, remain by his side even through the insanity that was his life. Ever since Arthur left him back at the asylum, after their daughter had been stolen away by that demon Verin, that spot in his heart had remained empty. There had been a few hopefuls, but it never worked out in the end.

Alfred's life was just too chaotic. Who would want to love someone stuck in a raging blizzard? He would only hurt them or drag them into his troubles and they would disappear without a trace, just like Arthur. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut in an effort to hold back the tears burning in his eyes and clenched his jaw. God, was he ever pathetic. Crouched in the middle of the snow in an abandoned park, just a hair's breadth away from crying. It sounded like a bad romance movie scene. Hell, Alfred would not have minded too much since he would have gotten together with someone in the end. However, his life was anything but some cheesy romance film.

No one would suddenly show up to inquire about his well-being, not in that weather, at that time. Emitting a huff that was damn near close to a sob, Alfred let himself fall onto his back in the snow. It was cold on the back of his head and neck but he could care less, just staring up at the dark sky and watching the white dots fall from it. Again, like a child, he found himself moving his arms and legs back and forth, back and forth. Seeing as he clearly had no guardian angel to watch over and guide him, Alfred supposed he would just make his own. He went through the motions for about a minute before his limbs came to a halt and he released a fresh sigh, the steam dissipating like a whisper in a crowded room.

Even with his new angel, he was completely and utterly... alone. What was the point in admiring the snow if he had no one to share it with? Frowning deeply, Alfred closed his eyes and rolled over onto his side, curling up in the indentation he had made in the snow. It was dark. It was freezing. It was snowing. He was all alone and he did not care. Let him freeze to death out there; he was immortal, he would just revive. Stiff and sore, but still entirely... alone. He curled up a bit tighter, burying most of his face in his soft scarf as the tears finally made a break for it. The surrounding air sapped them of their warmth before they even made it halfway down his cheeks, turning them to ice on his skin.

Not so bad, he supposed. Alfred had the snowflakes... and his tears... and his angel. They would keep him company.

((Hahahaaaaaaaaa haven't written something this deep and detailed in AGES. My muse and personal feelings kinda went wild with this one, I'll admit. Alfred here's just been alone for a really long time. I keep trying to hook him up with people but it never works out, mostly due to my busy and chaotic schedule. OTL I'll admit I've been a bit lonely myself lately and the two factors just sort of culminated into, well... THIS. If anyone's up for going through my poor character's insane life (courtesy of his admin), it would be great to finally put someone under that "Lover" category in his relationships. <3

Or you can just comment and try to cheer the poor guy up. D: I worked pretty hard on this journal so I'd appreciate some replies. ;u; Thanks in advance.))